Waiting For Someday

Why Not Now?

All the joy and passion you can envision can be yours right now, rather than in a future point in time.

The time we are blessed with is limited and tends to be used up all too quickly. How we utilize that time is consequently one of the most important decisions we make. Yet it is far too easy to put off until tomorrow what we are dreaming of today. The hectic pace of modern existence affords us an easy out; we shelve our aspirations so we can cope more effectively with the challenges of the present, ostensibly to have more time and leisure to realize our purpose in the future. Or we tell ourselves that we will chase our dreams someday once we have accomplished other lesser goals. In truth, it is our fear that keeps us from seeking fulfillment in the here and now—because we view failure as a possibility, our reasons for delaying our inevitable success seem sound and rational. If we ask ourselves what we are really waiting for, however, we discover that there is no truly compelling reason why we should put off the pursuit of the dreams that sustain us.

When regarded as a question, "Why not now?" drains us of our power to realize our ambitions. We are so concerned with the notion that we are somehow undeserving of happiness that we cannot see that there is much we can do in the present to begin courting it. Yet when we look decisively at our existence and state, "Why not now, indeed!" we are empowered to begin changing our lives this very moment. We procrastinate for many reasons, from a perceived lack of time to a legitimate lack of self-belief, but the truth of the matter is that there is no time like the present and no time but the present. Whatever we aim to accomplish, we will achieve it more quickly and with a greater degree of efficiency when we seize the day and make the most of the resources we have at our disposal presently.

All the joy, passion, and contentment you can envision can be yours right now, rather than in some far-flung point in time. You need only remind yourself that there is nothing standing between you and fulfillment. If you decide that today is the day you will take your destiny into your hands, you will soon discover that you hold the keys of fate.


Source: Daily OM

The Emotionally Sensitive Person

An Emotionally Sensitive Person is one who experiences more intense emotions than most other people do. When someone is emotionally sensitive, they often hear statements like “Stop overreacting,” or “You’re so dramatic.”  Many are labeled as being “too sensitive” because their emotional reactions are quicker, last longer, and are stronger than other people expect.

Life is so complicated that we typically try to simplify it, often by putting people and events into black and white categories. But like much of what we tend to simplify in that way, being an emotionally sensitive person is not a you-are or you-are-not kind of descriptor. 

Despite the emphasis our culture has on logic and self-control, the emotional part of everyone’s brain is pretty powerful, particularly given the right circumstances. Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, talks about the brain being like an elephant with a rider. Picture a huge six-ton elephant, with a rider on top. This represents the two basic systems in our brains.

Haidt says the rider is the logical, rational part of the brain that is reflective, it’s the part of you that deliberates and analyzes and plans for the future.  The elephant represents the emotional system, the one that is instinctive, that feels pleasure and pain and wants gratification right now. But the rider is so small relative to the elephant, anytime the six-ton elephant and the rider disagree about which direction to go, the rider is going to lose. And that happens more than you might realize.

Anyone who has eaten a bag of  potato chips when they said they would only have twelve, or who has compulsively called an ex when they vowed they wouldn’t,  or who has said angry words they later wished they hadn’t, understands the power of emotion. And that’s just for everyday issues, not for the really big, this-matters-to-the-core kind of situations. For people who are emotionally sensitive, the elephant (the emotional part of the brain) is even more skittish and more difficult to manage.

Some individuals may have a focused sensitivity.  This means they are noticeably more emotional than most people about a certain issue, like their weight or their children, or that they may be emotionally sensitive at certain times. Some may have always been emotionally sensitive and some may have experienced events that have led to or added to their sensitivity.

For others, their sensitivity is more general and varies along a continuum.  At one end of the continuum are the individuals who are slightly more sensitive than the majority of people and at the other end of the continuum are those who are so emotionally sensitive it is  difficult for them  to function.

Because of  the pain they feel and our culture’s tendency to value logic, some emotionally sensitive people  may wish they didn’t experience emotions at all. Wouldn’t life be easier without sadness and fear?  But emotions provide important information and skills such as signaling when to get out of dangerous situations (fear), the ability to be in relationships (love) and a capacity to appreciate positive experiences (joy). The emotional part of the brain provides motivation and commitment and is just as necessary for living as logic.

Being emotionally sensitive has its challenges and for some those challenges require professional help. Some people suffer deep pain on a daily basis because of their emotional sensitivity.  At the same time, those who are emotionally sensitive often have a deeper capacity for caring about others, can be artistic and creative, and are often the people who bring about change through their passion for causes. Learning to manage your emotions so that the pain is lessened and there is room for joy can help you use the energy from your emotions effectively, make balanced decisions and be more effective in problem solving.

Karyn Hall PhD

PsychCentral.com

Body Image & Self-Worth : You Deserve Better

Today, I’m honored to reprint a beautiful and inspiring post by Sui from cynosure. Sui writes about how each of us deserves better, whether it’s building a positive body image, following our passions, taking better care of ourselves or embracing and loving ourselves.

You deserve better. You know you do, don’t you? You deserve better than you’re allowing yourself.

You deserve clothes that don’t just “fit right” but hug every inch of your body with adoration and loves your shape and makes you feel confident and wonderful.

You deserve to not just go after your dreams, but SPRINT after them with passion and inspiration.

You deserve to soar.

You deserve to feel great no matter what your circumstances are. You deserve to feel great all. the. damn. time. And you deserve to make the CHOICE to feel great.

You deserve to pursue your passions and live a life doing what makes your heart dance.

You deserve to dance however you want to, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

You deserve to forget what anyone else thinks about you at any time and just DO IT.

You deserve to wake up and feel gratitude and excitement for the new day you’ve been blessed with.

You deserve to take at least FIVE minutes to yourself every day to just relax. Sit. Do nothing. Breathe. Live. Be.

You deserve to realize your own unique perfection.

You deserve to eat and savor food that makes your mouth and tastebuds and heart and stomach and body sing with pleasure and energy.

You deserve a GREAT night’s sleep, EVERY night.

You deserve the very best people in your life who love you for who you are and want you to be the very best YOU.

You deserve to give yourself a break once in a while. Or all the time.

You deserve to play, sing, laugh, run around and throw leaves at your friends, go down slides and sit on the swings without restraint or thought.

You deserve to be honest about yourself.

You deserve to express yourself exactly how you want to express yourself.

You deserve to forgive yourself.

You deserve to let it go.

You deserve to love your body, celebrate the amazing wonder of every single cell and limb, revel in the fact that it works however it works.

You deserve to embrace yourself and tell yourself how much you love YOU.

You deserve to throw out your scale and start realizing your real beauty.

You deserve to love what you have and have what you love.

You deserve to realize that life doesn’t start tomorrow and it didn’t start yesterday but it is HERE and only HERE, NOW. You deserve to live in the moment and love THIS. VERY. PRESENT.

You deserve to give yourself the most love, trust, respect, and honor… from yourself.

You deserve to smile for no reason.

You deserve to be good to yourself. No, you deserve better; You deserve to be WONDERFUL to yourself.

You deserve to treat yourself with infinite, unconditional compassion and kindness.

You deserve to take yourself out on a date.

You deserve to live a bigger life. Even bigger than the one you’re dreaming of.

You deserve the very best, in this moment, right now.

So go get ‘em, tiger.

And refuse to settle for anything less. Ever.


By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, MS

Quinoa Nutrition Facts

Cooking quinoa is a great way to improve your health. It is often called a supergrain, even thought it isn’t really a grain at all! Quinoa is an ancient seed that has recently become popular again. It is considered a completeprotein, meaning that it contains all eight of the essential amino acids that the body is unable to produce on its own. Of special importance is the abundant presence of lysine, which is required for the growth and repair of body tissue. Most grains do not contain lysine and the absence of lysine can be a major issue for vegetarians if they are not careful with their diet.

Many people believe that quinoa is one of the healthiest foods on the planet. The Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations has compared the nutritional profile of quinoa to that dried whole milk. Not only is it nutrient-packed, it is also gluten-free and wheat-free, making it very attractive to people who are gluten intolerant or who have wheat allergies. The vegetable protein found in quinoa is much easier to digest than meat protein and the slow releasing carbohydrates help maintain blood sugar levels and keep you fuller longer. Quinoa is free of cholesterol and trans fats making it a great part of a heart healthy diet.

Quinoa is a great way for those who struggle with anemia to get some extra iron. Additionally, it is a good source of calcium, magnesium, potassium, riboflavin, B vitamins, B6, Niacin and Thiamine.
Quinoa Nutrition Facts

Nutrients per 1 cup of Cooked Quinoa (Quinoa nutritional profile can vary depending on the saponin removal method. The level of protein can especially vary ranging from 7% to 22%.)

Calories: 220

8.2 g protein

40 g carbohydrate

31 mg calcium

2 mg Zinc

2.75 mg Iron

120 mg magnesium

5.2 grams fiber

Quite simply, quinoa is one of the most nutrient dense foods on the planet! Vegans in particular should consider cooking quinoa, because it is a great way to get the amino acids that are missing in many other grains. It also has a higher protein content than any grain. Quinoa recipes are generally quite healthy and can be incorporated into any diet. In addition to looking for a new quinoa recipe, you can also try substituting the seed for rice are couscous in your favorite recipes. Check out more on how to cook quinoa!

by WENDY POLISI

http://www.cookingquinoa.net 

Muscle To Fat Conversion After 50

As you reach your 50s and beyond, your body composition changes and you carry more fat than you did when you were in your 20s or 30s. The common perception is that aging brings a conversion of muscle into fat. To live a healthy and active life beyond your 50s, it is essential that you understand the changes that occur in your body, the challenges they bring and how to combat them.

Definition

Muscle and fat are two distinctly different body tissues. Muscle cannot be converted into fat. Aging brings a loss of muscle tissue in a process called sarcopenia. A study by the Center for Excellence in Aging and Geriatric Health in Williamsburg, Virginia, which was published in the December 2004 issue of "Sports Medicine," concludes that the loss in muscle tissue begins around the age of 50 and becomes more dramatic beyond the age of 60. The loss of muscle slows down your metabolism and results in weight and fat gain.

Hormonal Changes

Aging brings a change in hormone levels, which results in a loss of muscle and increase in fat. A study by the University of Nottingham, published in the November 2009 issue of the "American Journal of Clinical Nutrition," shows that people in their 60s produce less insulin to deliver nutrients such as amino acids to the muscles to prevent muscle breakdown. The decline in testosterone levels in men as they age also results in a loss of muscle and increase in fat deposits.

Exercise

People in their 50s and above tend to live less active lifestyles and do less exercise. This can lead to an accumulation of body fat as less energy is expended and fewer calories are burned. A lack of exercise also results in a reduction of muscle mass, which leads to a slower metabolism and increase in fat deposits.

Combat Changes

Exercise regularly to maintain muscle mass. Exercise increases blood flow and transport of nutrients to the muscles to reduce the incidence of sarcopenia. Resistance training exercise may also help to maintain testosterone levels in older men. Do not eat excessive calories. Eat a diet that corresponds to your activity levels. Your diet should consist of complex carbohydrates such as oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes and yams. Eat protein such as lean cuts of meat and poultry, whole eggs, fish, beans and legumes. Eat a variety of fruits and vegetables and omega-3 essential fatty acids.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/465544-muscle-to-fat-conversion-after-50/#ixzz1gKdagegn

Depression May Be Precursor To Dementia

Depression is one of the most common mental disorders in the elderly, but little is known about the underlying biology of its development in older adults.

Tresearchers from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) used a brain scan to assess the levels of amyloid plaques and tau tangles in older adults with major depressive disorder, also known as clinical depression.

Previous research has suggested that plaque and tangle deposits in the brain — hallmarks of Alzheimer’s disease and many dementias — are associated not only with memory loss but also with mild symptoms of depression and anxiety in middle-aged and older individuals.

The team wanted to see what the brain-scanning technique would find in older people with depression.

The researchers created a chemical marker called FDDNP that binds to both plaque and tangle deposits, which can then be viewed through a positron emission tomography (PET) brain scan, providing a “window into the brain.” Using this method, researchers are able to pinpoint where in the brain these abnormal protein deposits are accumulating.

The scientists compared the FDDNP brain scans of 20 older adults between the ages of 60 to 82 who had been diagnosed with depression with the scans of 19 healthy people of similar age, education and gender.

They found that in patients with depression, FDDNP binding was significantly higher throughout the brain and in critical brain regions. The critical brain regions included the posterior cingulate and lateral temporal areas, which are involved in decision-making, complex reasoning, memory and emotions.

“This is the first study using FDDNP to assess the abnormal protein levels in brains of older adults with severe depression,” said the study’s senior author, Dr. Gary Small, UCLA’s Parlow-Solomon Professor on Aging and a professor of psychiatry.

“The findings suggest that the higher protein load in critical brain regions may contribute to the development of severe depression in late life.”

Researchers also found that similar protein deposit patterns in the lateral temporal and posterior cingulate areas in patients were associated with different clinical symptoms. Some patients demonstrated indicators of depression only, while others also displayed symptoms of mild cognitive impairment.

Dr. Small noted that previous research has shown that depression may be a risk factor for or a precursor to memory loss, such as mild cognitive impairment, which can later lead to dementia.

“We may find that depression in the elderly may be an initial manifestation of progressive neurodegenerative disease,” said the study’s first author, Dr. Anand Kumar, the Lizzie Gilman Professor and department head of psychiatry at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

“Brain scans using FDDNP allow us to take a closer look at the different types of protein deposits and track them to see how clinical symptoms develop.”

According to Kumar and Small, more followup over time is needed to evaluate the significance of the outcomes of the study’s patient subgroups. Such research will help further assess if depression later in life might be a precursor to mild cognitive impairment and dementia.

The researchers also noted that FDDNP used with PET may also be helpful in identifying new treatments and in tracking the effectiveness of current antidepressant therapy and medications designed to help reduce abnormal protein buildup in the brain.

The team is planning larger studies involving investigators that will address the impact of the genetic marker APOE-4, which is a risk factor for dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

The study is published in the November issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.

By JANICE WOOD Associate News Editor

Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on November 11, 2011

Source : Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, UCLA

The Starbucks Effect (2)

Why Doesn't it Last? The Brain's Ups and Downs

Why do you need more and more caffeine, nicotine or alcohol to get the same effect? Remember the kick from your first cigarette? Have you ever wondered why you don't experience that any more?

The brain has a set of negative feedback mechanisms whose goal is to prevent us from being too stimulated for too long. When we boost our feel-good neurotransmitters, as we do with a cup of coffee, the dopamine released causes a feeling of well-being. However, in response, the receptors gradually shut down, deflating our high.

A key concept in the body and brain, as in all of nature, is balance. Much as a thermostat keeps our home at a desired temperature, our body has ways of maintaining a state of equilibrium. It doesn't want us to be too high for too long!

So, in response to an increase in the amount of neurotransmitter available, for example dopamine from drinking coffee, there is a  'downregulation' of the receptor sites. This means that some receptor sites shut down, making the neuron less responsive. Consequently you need more of the stimulant - caffeine, nicotine, cocaine, whatever - to release neurotransmitters into the synapses and get the message across. It's as if to block out the yelling of the nerotransmitters the receptors put on earplugs, leaving the neurotransmitters no alternative but to yell even louder.

The body's self-regulation process, then, makes it impossible for us to gain any long term benefit from the use of stimulants. Herein lies the rub.

The net result of addiction is that once the initial effect has worn off, the body's normal production of dopamine - its usual 'talking voice' - just isn't loud enough to get the now somewhat deaf neighbouring cells excited. As a consequence, you feel tired, lacking in motivation and in need of another hit of stimulant. And as time goes on you need more and more. No longer will that cup of coffee (around 100mg of caffeine) give you the kick-start you need. You need a large 'special' coffee (around 400 mg), perhaps with a cigarette thrown in, or even a mochaccino (chocolate plus coffee, two different sources of caffeine).

Of course, the  more you have and the more often you have it, the more your brain cells 'down regulate' by shutting down receptor sites. Continue along this slippery path for long enough and the effects of the stimulant become nothing like they used to be. No longer does that cup of coffee geive you a rush of energy. Now all it does is relieve your ever-increasing fatigue. You need coffee just to feel normal, let alone good. You've been trying to cheat the system and it's fighting back. Crime, as far as falsely stimulating your neurotransmitters are concerned, doesn't pay.

Unfortunately, by the time you realise this and stop using the substance, your body's chemistry doesn't give you an unconditional pardon. Instead, it punishes you with withdrawal. In effect, the withdrawal period is the time it takes from the moment you quit using stimulants until your neurons 'upregulate' to hear you neurotransmitters' normal speaking voice once again. In the case of caffeine this is only a matter of days. For nicotine or heroin it can take weeks.

Natural Highs -
Patrick Holford & Dr Hyla Cass

The Starbucks Effect (1)

Every single mind-altering substance works by changing the balance of the neurotransmitters in your brain and nervous system. To better understand how, let's take a look at what happens when you drink a cup of coffee.

- Within minutes, you experience increased alertness and heightened focus.
- Your mood may improve, and your memory feel a bit sharper.
- You might also feel a bit jittery, and may soon have the urge to urinate (coffee is a diuretic).
- In an hour of two you might notice youself feeling down, foggy and drowsy, and even irritable or cranky. You will probably start to crave another coffee at this point.

And this is what happens in your brain. The stimulant compounds in coffee - caffeine, theobromine and theophylline - cause the excesssive release of the neurotransmitters dopamine. Dopamine is then turned into adrenalin and noradrenalin. This trio of neurotransmitters leave you feeling motivated and stimulated.

At the same time, adrenalin causes glucose, or blood sugar, to be released into your system, stimulating both mine and body, much as a hit of sugar, say from a doughnut, energises your body. Adrenalin also acts as a diuretic and makes you want to urinate.

But the effects don't end there. In an hour or two, it's as if you never had that coffee - and you're likely to want another one. Unfortunately, the next cup, or the cup after that, is unlikely to produce the same kick. Frequent consumption results in a diminished response known as 'tolerance'. So in time, you may graduate from a regular coffee to a 'grande', or a stronger brew.

Now you're addicted. If you don't get your morning fix of coffee you feel lousy, perhaps even headachy. This is due to 'withdrawal', the negative symptoms that appear when a substance is stopped and disappear when it is reinstated. Soon, the consumer is in the grip of a compulsion, and is addicted to the substance. Most of what we use to get high, from coffee to cocaine and cigarettes to alcohol, fall into this category. You get less and less benefit as you become more and more addicted. It's a bad deal.

Natural Highs -
Patrick Holford & Dr Hyla Cass

Do You Wear The Pants In Your Relationship?

I want to talk about one of the most common complaints I hear in my office almost daily that potentially wreaks havoc on relationships. It’s about control.

How many times have you said about your partner, or heard said about yourself? “He or she is so controlling!”

It often goes something like the following: It begins with the so-called controlling partner telling you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and why to do it their way. Or, the controlling one does something over once you’ve already completed it, accompanying their re-do with an editorial about what was wrong with the way you did it. I think you get the picture.

So here’s the deal: people we label as being controlling do not feel powerful and in control. In fact, paradoxically they typically feel lonely, alone and frustrated, and very much not in control. They often feel this way because what they do is very off-putting. It generally pushes people away, and in particular it pushes you, the partner, away. One reason they don’t feel powerful is because their efforts seldom yield the results they intend. In fact, they feel very powerless, but nevertheless continue their pursuit of control. Some become loud, or critical, blurring the distinction between being powerful, versus overpowering.

It reminds me of what we used to do in the Navy if we were working on a job that was not going the way we wanted: We would joke, “get a bigger hammer and just pound on it harder!”

What about the partners of so-called controlling people? The controlling person gets from their partner a mutually dissatisfying resentful compliance. This is also referred to as going along to get along. Typically, those who feel controlled by the controlling one simply want them to shut up or stop. Unfortunately, one way to do that, as for a while, is by complying. Complying only serves to reinforce the controlling behavior, and the controlling behavior reinforces the resentment that accompanies compliance. Not a good way to run a railroad!

So, why are some people so controlling in the first place? Think of it this this way: control is always about relief. That’s right it’s about relief! The question is, relief from what?

In general they want relief from some sort of internal emotional pain. They experience a painful internal state they do not express directly. It might be set of feelings that they can’t seem to express or reduce such as anxiety, defuse fear, chronic nervousness, anger or hurt. They seem to believe that if others will simply change their behavior, the controlling one will feel better. It seldom, if ever, works out that way. So, what’s a couple to do?

Here are a few ideas that will help begin to break this pattern:

1. Do your best to keep your own emotional reactivity as low as possible.
2. Calmly and with compassion, assert that you understand how frustrated your partner is with you about the prospect that you do not seem able to meet his or her standards.
3. Try to appeal to the side of him or her that genuinely seems unhappy. Ask if he or she is willing to take a look inside and put some effort toward a focus on what truly may be bothering them.
4. Do your best to not be defensive. Remember, controlling behavior, especially when it’s a long-standing pattern, is about seeking relief from an unidentified internal state of discontent.

If the two of you are unable to discuss the matter respectfully and productively, find a professional counselor who can help. Go together!

After all, you both desperately want relief and this is a very difficult pattern to break, and both of you play crucial roles in creating it, and breaking it.

This guest article from YourTango was written by Dr. Jim Hutt.

www.Psychcentral.com

Flow With Freedom

Flow with Freedom If you practice a yoga style based on Sun Salutations, such as Vinyasa or Hatha Flow, you know how tricky it can be to go from Downward-Facing Dog Pose to a high lunge in one fell swoop. You may find the foot you're trying to bring forward falls a few inches short of the desired position safely in alignment under the knee and between the hands. Many students need to inch the front foot forward or even use their hands to pick up the ankle and physically place it where it should go. Luckily, observing a few simple tricks of the trade can help. Try incorporating the following into your practice every day to get yourself flowing more smoothly: 1. Slow it down. The next time you try this maneuver, do it as slowly and deliberately as possible. When it starts to get difficult, make sure you're engaging your core by pulling your belly in and pushing the floor away with your hands. 2. Pay attention. One of the best ways to transform your body is by noticing when you fall into your old patterns, and making a conscious effort to break the habits. In this case, notice when you tend to stop engaging your core (you'll know you're not engaging if your foot makes a loud noise when it hits the floor). Then, try the action again with awareness. 3. Work your core. Practice moving slowly from Downward Dog to Plank and back again, remembering to engage your core by pulling the belly toward your spine and pushing the floor away with your hands. Then, from Down Dog, lift one foot behind you and keep it up as you rock forward into Plank Pose, bringing your knee into your body and toward your nose. YogaJournal

Seven Toxic Thinking Patterns To Break (2)

There are at least seven toxic thinking patterns that can put a hold on our brain, and imprison it with pseudo feel-goods, and other lies.

As noted in Part 1, functionally, these topsy-turvy beliefs are protective strategies, designed to activate our defenses when something triggers us. Because this lowers anxiety in varying degrees, it also stimulates the reward centers of the brain — and explains why, at least subconsciously, we associate them with pseudo feel-good feelings.

Our conscious mind likely disagrees, of course. How can thoughts make us “feel good” when they make us feel so bad? Doesn’t make sense, right? It makes sense to our brain and body, however. And, that’s the purpose of this discussion.

To break the hold of toxic thinking patterns, we need to become aware of them, and yes, to understand how tricky they are.

Their power to trick our brain exists largely when they operate beneath the radar of our conscious mind. It how these fear and pleasure-inducing thinking patterns, for the most part, “trained” our brain to automatically react in unhealthy ways.

It is also why conscious awareness is foundational to healing and change processes. Our thoughts, accordingly, shape our behaviors, and the direction of our lives. Healthy thinking patterns are — a choice — and that means they must be cultivated and learned.

It’s a question of who we want to put in charge of our life? The born-to-be-a-wise-thinker part of us (conscious, cultivated) — or our body’s nonthinking sensory system?

How do pseudo “feel-goods” trick the brain?

The subconscious mind is in charge of all autonomic processes of the body. Also known as the mind of the body, the subconscious is its operating system. Unless we consciously choose otherwise, the mind of our body naturally gravitates toward what makes us feel good or comfortable, and simultaneously, what avoids making us feel bad or uncomfortable.

The brain and body make no distinction between feels-good that are physical, mental or emotional. In practical terms, this means we are inwardly motivated to do more than just survive, to thrive.

We are much more than servants of biological survival  — and some of the latest findings in neuroscience seem to support what sages have proclaimed from the beginning of recorded history.

• We are hardwired with inborn drives that propel us to want to “feel good” about our self and life – in a meaningful sense.
• We are wired with circuitry for caring, empathy and connection. Our brain “is a relationship organ,” as Dr. Daniel Siegel puts it; we are relationship beings.
• We share impulses – inborn motivation that shapes our wants, thoughts, desires, aspirations, passion, behaviors, thoughts – driving us to find a myriad of ways (actions, ranging from effective and fulfilling to ineffective quick-fixes and non-fulling) to love and be loved, to connect meaningfully, and, among others, to contribute value in life.

Essentially, we are meaning-making beings driven by heart energies to seek and find purpose in life.

In our heart of hearts, our highest impulse is to “self-actualize,” a term psychologist Abraham Maslow coined, and described as a universal drive to reach a state of being in which we experience a spiritual oneness with self, others, and life, a seeking to find purpose by meaningfully contributing to life in some way.

Toxic thinking tricks our brains to rely on easy and quick-fix pseudo “feel-good” feelings, that:

• Make us feel “needed,” “important,” “caring,” etc., by worrying, working hard to please or fix others, or blasting them with our anger.
• Help us “feel-good” by feeling “better than,” “superior” or “self-righteous,” i.e., by focusing our attention on how “right” or “good” we are versus how “wrong” or “bad” others are, etc.
• Relieve us of pressure or responsibility to change or grow (which is a feel-good!) by giving us “reasons” (excuses) to avoid doing the inner work this (always) involves.
• Provide comfort and safety in staying with the familiar, i.e., not stretching out of comfortable zones, such as old childhood neural patterns (early survival-love maps).
• Give us a pseudo sense of “feeling close” with someone, i.e., when we complain/gossip about how another has hurt or wronged us, doesn’t appreciate us, etc.
• Elude us into “feeling” that we are “solving” our issues when in fact all we’re doing is wasting (valuable) energy complaining, whining, blaming others, etc.
• Keep us in feelings of anger, resentment, or bitterness, which “help” us avoid feeling our feelings of vulnerability, such as rejection, abandonment, loneliness, powerlessness, etc.

Like other addictive substances or activities, toxic “feel good” thinking patterns can be described as futile attempts to help us get control over our life that lead us to increasingly lose control instead.

Also like addictive substances, they provide cheap thrill ways of instantly feeling “okay” or “important” or “valued.”

Like junk food, drugs or alcohol, additionally, these thinking/behaving patterns are defensive strategies that “help” us obtain quick-fix releases of “feel good” hormones. They stimulate certain reward centers of the brain. Albeit only brief and temporary fixes, nevertheless, they instantly lower anxiety, thus, producing pseudo “feel goods” in the body.

This misleads our subconscious mind into thinking that these protective strategies “work” well. It also “thinks” it’s doing a great job whenever it reminds us to use one or more of these “quick-fixes” when, in reality, it’s acting more like an alarm system that gets jammed in “on” position in certain situations (that trigger us).

The subconscious mind is stuck, and guess who holds the key to its (and our) freedom? We do. We can make self-directed changes not only to the thoughts on our mind, but also to the neural structure of our brain.

Examples of toxic thinking patterns?

What are some examples of toxic thinking patterns? Here seven toxic thinking patterns that trick our brain and body into relying on them as “trusted friends”:

1. Fault-finding or complaining

EXAMPLE: “Well, you did it again” OR, “I think it’s awful that you always …”

2. Blaming

EXAMPLE: “If only he/she hadn’t or wouldn’t … everything would be fine.”

3. Triangulating, gossiping

EXAMPLE: “Well, he/she did it again” OR, “I think it’s awful that he/she always …”

4. Communication blocking

EXAMPLE: “Don’t tell him/her; it will only upset him.”

Or “Don’t let her have the last word; she won’t respect you.”

5. Rescuing others

EXAMPLE: “This is too much for him/her” OR, “I must fix him/her so they don’t get upset, angry, etc.

6. Portraying self as a victim, helpless, or needing to be rescued

EXAMPLE: “I wouldn’t be in this mess if weren’t for my mother/father.”

7. Making excuses

EXAMPLE: “I’ve tried everything; nothing works.”

What makes these thinking patterns toxic to us? They:

• (Pointlessly…) Activate the body’s fight or flee response with thoughts that trigger our core fears, such as fear of rejection, inadequacy, etc.
• (Needlessly…) Keep our brain out of “learning mode” (reflective, possibility thinking) and instead in “protective mode” (or alert status), perhaps for extended periods of time.
• (Unfairly…) Prevent us from growing our capacity to regulate our fears (to calm our mind and body so we may remain empathically connected whenever we feel vulnerable).

It’s not a pretty picture, is it?

Though well-intentioned, these toxic thinking patterns cause feeling states and behaviors that can never nourish us or satisfy our drives for emotional fulfillment. At best, they are mere futile attempts that, instead, leave us with insatiable cravings for more quick-fix feel-goods.

At worst, they “protect” us from what we need most: to feel our feelings, face our fears. Our inner world of sensations is a source of vital and life enriching information that is designed to inform our choices and potentially help us make wiser decisions.

For example, just because someone feels upset or angry, or does not give us what we want, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not loved or appreciated. When we defensively resort to quick-fix options in dealing with these ongoing issues in our life and relationships, however, such as giving them the “silent treatment” to “teach” them to appreciate us, will this solve or more likely exacerbate the problem?

We know this doesn’t work deep inside. Defensive behaviors – our own or others’ – most always produce more of the feelings and behaviors that left us feeling lonely, unappreciated or emotionally detached to begin with.

It is pointless, needless and unfair, and can be baffling, but doesn’t need to be.

Toxic-feel-good thinking patterns are held in place by beliefs that, in effect, cause us to feel fearful in situations that are actually not a “real” threat to us. These beliefs, in turn, produce reactive behaviors, ranging from emotional manipulation to aggressive bullying, all of which are pseudo ways of restoring balance to the energies of our body. These are only a few of many good reasons to replace them with healthful, life energizing thinking patterns!

The “real” threat to our health and future?

Toxic-feel-good thinking patterns are excuses or lies we have learned to tell ourselves that are rigidly held in place by fear-based beliefs. They are toxic as they block change and healing processes essential to living healthful, fulfilled lives.

In effect, toxic thinking is the real threat to the health of our body, mind and relationships – and not what stresses us or triggers our fears and painful emotions.

It is toxic thinking that blocks us from what we, as human beings, most need and yearn for in life: To feel alive in meaningful connection to our self and life around us; to feel our love is “good enough” and contributes value in our life and relationships; and to love courageously, thus, authentically with our whole hearts, with no “need” for approval or things external to ourselves to feel “complete” or deserving of love.

How many of the above patterns do you use?

They are not easy to break. It will require consistent effort, and determination, as they are self-reinforcing. They can be stubborn, as they are rooted in fear.

Your mind is a treasure, however. It is in your highest interest to change and replace them, and it is achievable as it is worthwhile.

Your imagination is working memory for the creation of yourself and life. The words you use, and the thoughts you think, activate dynamic processes in your body. In many ways, you are … whomever you think or say you are.

What is more, you deserve to give yourself the gift of a life free of toxic thinking patterns.

It is a matter of how willing you are, how much you want to break their hold, and … what you believe is possible for you.

Athena Staik, PH.D

Seven Toxic Thinking Patterns To Break (1)

Habitual thinking patterns that cause intense feelings of fear, anger, shame or guilt are not only toxic, but also addictive in nature.

Why? They stimulate pleasure and learning centers of the brain similar to addictive substances.

Toxic thinking is characteristically compulsive in nature and causes intense fear-based feelings, which can overwhelm or zap our body’s energy supply. It consists of thoughts that habitually forecast disaster, perpetuate worry, instill doubt, obsess on perfection, describe self (or another) as a victim, or point fingers at others.

So, how can these pain feelings stimulate pleasure?

Though toxic thoughts paint images of self and others with colors of lack, gloom or failure, subconsciously, they are protective strategies that get activated automatically in our defense when something triggers us. Thus, our body associates them with pseudo “feel good” feelings that lower our anxiety, albeit in ineffective, quick-fix ways.

In recent decades, neuroscience research has increased our understanding of the processes that lead to the formation of healthy and unhealthy habits, to include addictions.

Pleasure – and fear – as stimulants and “teachers”?

We now have a better understanding of how intoxicating highs stimulate the “reward” centers of the brain, and the role mixed emotions of — pleasure and fear — play in stimulating these centers to establish an addiction, addictive relating patterns, or emotional reactivity in general.

• The high is produced by neurochemicals that induce pleasure, dopamine in particular.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, a chemical messenger of the brain that plays a major role in forming addictions, and habits in general, healthy or otherwise. It transmits “teaching” signals to the reward centers of the brain responsible for acquiring new habits.

• The other, less known, catalyst that stimulates the reward centers for the release of hormones is: fear.

Whether related to risk taking, taboo or past trauma, fear is a chief chemical-stimulant that works together with pleasure to enhance and intensify the highs in the brain’s reward centers. In fact, the brain is in its most alert state of receptivity to learning in the presence of danger.

This makes sense, considering that survival is the primary directive of the part of the mind, the subconscious, that runs the body and is in charge of all the processes involved in forming or breaking habits.

• Thus, fear not only reinforces learning, it also increases the chances that a particular memory will receive preferential attention from the subconscious mind.

This means the subconscious mind will record the “experience” in a special place in memory, an “intelligence report” of sorts, which the subconscious mind turns to whenever we get triggered or feel threatened in some way.

(The use of “fear” to condition behaviors also explains why commercial and political advertisements use fear to condition us to behave in certain ways.)

Toxic thinking patterns act as “drugs of choice”?

Certain thinking patterns, in particular ones that subconsciously activate the body’s fear response, or “fight or flee” system, are powerful.

• How?

They activate powerful inner processes that produce dynamic physiological changes in the body. They prepare us to run away or confront a perceived threat. When fear is the basis for behaviors, it is connected to the part of the brain that is responsible for ensuring survival — the fight or flight stress response.

• They are automatic.

They cause the subconscious mind to automatically perform an instant coup d’état of the body’s normal processes. Unfortunately, this disengages the higher thinking processes of the brain by cutting off much of the oxygen flow.

• They are limiting in varying degrees.

And herein lies the problem. The brain is always in either “protective mode” or “learning mode.” When it’s in “protective mode,” its otherwise amazing capacity to make informed choices, decisions is not fully functioning. It is no longer in “learning mode.”

• They are toxic-thinking patterns.

The subconscious mind has a seemingly limitless capacity for memory and multitasking, processing millions, and some say billions, of bits of information per second. It does no original thinking, however. It relies on our thoughts (and associated beliefs, feelings) to form the “perceptions” it uses to determine whether or not to activate the body’s fear response.

• They are not “real” thoughts.

Our thoughts or “self-talk” are an inner running commentary, a stream of about 60,000 thoughts a day. A good portion of this habituated thinking consists of rigid, black-and-white thoughts — in other words, toxic thinking patterns — such as blame, fault-finding, self-pity, etc. These negatively charged thoughts are not real thinkingat all. They are habituated thoughts that emerge from limiting beliefs, many of which are subconscious and carry over from the formative years of childhood.  Examples of limiting beliefs are:

If I say no, I will be rejected or abandoned.
If someone says no to my request, it means they don’t love or appreciate me.
It’s wrong to put “demands” or need something from others.
It’s not love if you have to ask; he/she should know what I want/need.
Anger means you are not loved, accepted by or adequate enough to another.
Psychological or physical violence is OK when it is “deserved.”

• They are based on beliefs that were imprinted in our memory the formative years of early childhood early survival-love maps.

Where do these thoughts come from? Beliefs.

In this case, certain core beliefs that form our self-concept, for example, what it means to love and be loved, what it means to “matter” or feel value in life, in relation to our self and others. They are thoughts that the subconscious accrues in a special record it keeps of all past “scary” moments. These pockets of memory contain related data, such as feelings, images, beliefs, and so on. I refer to these records in cellular memory as our early survival-love maps.

Many of them spawn unhelpful and limiting views of anger, whereasanger is designed to be a healthy emotion that moves us to action to stand up for our selves and not give up on our dreams – once, that is, we accept and respect its value, and learn how to express it assertively – rather than defensively. Some examples of limiting beliefs that produce toxic thoughts about anger include:

Never be angry.
Never talk about your anger.
Men can be angry, women cannot.
Anger leads to abuse and pain.
Anger means you are not loved.
If you make him/her angry, they will abandon you.

• They offer quick-fix “pseudo” relief that lowers anxiety and restores body’s equilibrium in varying degrees.

The instant relief we get by activating our protective strategies, such as blasting someone with our anger or stewing on how we “always” get the short end of the stick, is what makes toxic-thinking addictive. They are old and “comfortable” ways of protecting ourselves, that is, by lowering our anxiety with instant pseudo “feel good” toxic thoughts.

• The subconscious does no original thinking.

Our subconscious mind is completely dependent on the conscious mind to wisely discern between “feel goods” that are healthful and those that are harmful. By design, it has no capacity to do its own thinking.

Whenever something “works” to lower anxiety and restore our body to natural state, the subconscious mind automatically puts it on the “list of things that work to ensure survival.” Hence, “things” that neuro-chemically produce pseudo “feel-good” feelings in our body.

• The subconscious cannot discern between what is toxic or healthful.

The subconscious mind cannot discern between what “feels good” that is toxic or even destructive, such as junk food or drugs or toxic thoughts, and what “feels bad” yet is healthful, such as learning a new subject or giving a speech or changing a toxic thinking pattern or two.

With repeated stimulation, old reward centers form new neuropathways that demand more of the same, thus, producing more intense cravings. As the body habituates to the highs that repeated stimulation produces, other processes that seek to restore equilibrium then form new neuropathways, which demand greater intensity and frequency to achieve the same stimulation.

An addiction is formed, and along with it, a wide array of emotional, physical and mental health costs.

Genuine versus “pseudo” feel-goods?

This combination of stimulating emotions of pleasure and fear literally conditions our brain to live life at odds with self, a life of contradictory desires and passions that, if not stopped, has power to control and take away what is of lasting and real value to a person’s life.

It’s safe to say that what distinguishes “genuine” feel-goods from “pseudo” feel-goods is that the former, in contrast to the latter, seeks to delight us yet also enhance our health, growth, transformation, or at minimum, cause no harm.

Toxic thinking patterns and pseudo feel-goods block change and healing. Like addiction, toxic “feel good” thinking patterns are an escape, a series of actions that fail in their attempt to help you to get control over your life, and that lead instead to abandoning control to lies, falsehoods and acts of desperation.

At root all addiction is a fear of intimacy, in particular, an intimate knowing of self.

It is a topsy-turvy system of beliefs that imprisons the mind with lies that lead us to avoid, run away from, block, or “protect” ourselves against what we most need and yearn for in life: To feel alive in meaningful connection to self and life around us, to contribute the love we aspire to express, courageously, with our whole heart.

Speaking of thinking patterns, Carl Jung, one of the most brilliant thinkers in the modern era, was first among other theorists and psychologists to point out that the human mind, or psyche, continuously strives toward a feeling state of wholeness, in search of meaning and purpose. In contrast to pseudo feel-goods, genuine “feel goods” work alongside the directives of the body to ensure that you both survive, and thrive in health and wholeness.

The solution is simple, and though not easy, it’s achievable with determination: You are wired for a life time of learning, healing and change


Athena Staik PH.D
Psychcentral.com