A negative body image is insidious, especially when it comes to the myths and misconceptions we create in our minds.
Especially when we start to accept the insults, the self-criticism and the warped standards as truths.
We know that these beliefs and expectations about our bodies have a big impact on how we view and live our lives.
We not only become stranded in a sea of negativity, we also risk becoming isolated.
Sarah Maria writes in her book, Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently, about a myth that perpetuates isolation:
We believe that we must isolate ourselves from others because the way we look is the only thing that matters. And clearly, in our minds, how we look is unacceptable, unworthy.
She writes:
“When you become concerned that you are not popular enough or beautiful enough or lovable enough, NBO [negative body obsession] steps in to ‘save the day.’ It convinces you that your real problem is that you’re just too fat and ugly. If you only looked different, everything would fall into place: you’d be okay.
NBO gives you a simple way to approach the world, and a simple way to measure your success or failure. NBO consumes all your time and energy and convinces you that you are not quite good enough to be socializing with others. As you become more obsessed with how you look, you probably became less social, gradually but noticeably lessening the time you spend with family and friends while increasing the amount of time you spend by yourself.”I remember many times when I chose to be alone. When I just didn’t want to go out. When I thought it was too much work to pick out a decent outfit. When I truly believed that going out to dinner meant derailing my diet. So why even go?
I became embarrassed of my weigh gain, and I didn’t want people who knew me when I was smaller to see me now. If I did run into some of these people, a deep-seated shame would wash over me.
It felt like a 50-foot wave submerging me.
Maybe you’ve been there, too.
It’s amazing the beliefs that would swirl about my brain. These weren’t even half-truths. They were downright lies. Lies that affected my mood, my happiness and my life.
Sarah Maria says that there are many other myths that bolster the above, such as:
- “When you are beautiful, you will be happy.”
- “When you conform to society’s ideals of beauty, you will feel good about yourself.”
- “When you are toned, fit and beautiful, you will be able to live the life you want.”
And just as important, why we don’t see ourselves as beautiful in the first place?
Today, take some time to think about all the body and appearance beliefs that swirl about your brain. All those things you think are the truth but aren’t. I know that deep down you know they’re false.
There’s freedom in realizing the reality. It’s similar to not waiting ’til we lose weight to do something. Because in the end all we’re doing is hurting ourselves – and likely our loved ones.
We harbor so many myths and misconceptions about what we should look like, why we aren’t beautiful. But they don’t have to rule our lives.
Recognizing these myths for what they really are – downright lies – is a valuable path to a positive body image and no doubt a better life.
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